Breaking Free from "Always" and "Never"

Why Absolutes Backfire

When you use words like "always" or "never," you are not describing a behavior; you are defining a person. Your partner's brain instantly goes on the defensive, searching for the one time they didn't do that thing, completely missing the point of your concern. The conversation shifts from solving a problem to a debate over the accuracy of your statement.

The Alternative: Focus on Specifics and Feelings

Instead of using absolutes, focus on a specific, recent instance and express how it made you feel. This is the foundation of the "I-statement."

Instead of: "You never help with the dishes."

Try: "When the dishes were left in the sink last night, I felt overwhelmed and unsupported."

Instead of: "You're always on your phone."

Try: "When you were on your phone while I was talking, I felt unimportant and like you weren't listening to me."

Adopting a Growth Mindset

Eliminating absolutes is about adopting a growth mindset in your relationship. It assumes that behaviors can change and that your partner is not permanently defined by their mistakes. It invites collaboration rather than accusation. By shifting your language, you shift the entire dynamic of your conflicts, turning them from battles to be won into problems to be solved together.

Subscribe to our newsletter

Enjoy exclusive insights, encouragement, and tips available only to our subscribers.

Your Relationship is Worth the Investment

Ready to stop the cycles of conflict and start building a future filled with love, trust, and partnership?