Empathy vs. Sympathy: Which One Does Your Relationship Need?

Sympathy: Feeling For Someone

Sympathy is looking down from a distance. It's a feeling of pity or sorrow for someone else's misfortune. Sympathetic statements often start with "At least..."

• "My boss was so unfair to me today." -> "Well, at least you have a job."

• "I'm so overwhelmed with the kids." -> "At least they're healthy."

While often well-intentioned, sympathy can feel dismissive. It can inadvertently minimize the other person's feelings and create distance. It's a statement from the outside.

Empathy: Feeling With Someone

Empathy, as Brené Brown famously says, is feeling with people. It's climbing down into the hole with them to let them know they're not alone. Empathy doesn't try to "fix" the problem or find a silver lining. It simply connects with the emotion.

Empathetic responses sound like:

• "That sounds incredibly frustrating."

• "I can hear how hurt you are. I'm so sorry you're going through this."

• "Wow, that's a tough situation. I'm here with you."

• "I get you. I feel you."

Empathy rarely begins with "at least." It's about recognizing and validating the feeling itself. It's a vulnerable choice, because to connect with the feeling in your partner, you have to connect with a time you felt something similar. But this is what builds true connection. When your partner is struggling, they don't need a fixer; they need to know you're in it with them.

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